Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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