Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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