That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
