i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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