Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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