if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
