So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
