Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
