You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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