you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize