I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
