2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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