all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
