I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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