He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
