and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize