the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
