david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
