Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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