they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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