I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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