I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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