The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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