Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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