he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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