im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
