Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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