Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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