At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
