I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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