i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
