Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just pee around me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
