I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
