my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
