So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
