I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
