Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize