So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
