I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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