I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
this just has baby written all over it
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize