Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
