Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
