we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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