Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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