I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
