Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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