Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
