we have officially lost it.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
