Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just found a bag of teeth...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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