Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
