I need help removing her.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
wow bdsm is so cute
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
