In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
