She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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