Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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