After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
