My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
