I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
