i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
