The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
