The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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