Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
