She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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