So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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