Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
