dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
