i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
