Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
