I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
