Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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