worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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