i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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