you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize