Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You are the jesus of drinking
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
