insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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