Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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