I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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