Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
