You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
