Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
