Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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