dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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